I know this because even I have a hard time shopping for me. When I first met my husband, he called my condition "retail bulimia". I would purchase things, let's say a $400 pair of Frye boots, change my mind or have a strong case of buyer's remorse and return them the next day.
I prefer to call it a shopping "catch and release" program.
One year- let's say it was the day before Christmas to add drama to the story- I told Mama, "Next year I want diamond earrings." And since I am her (secret) favorite daughter and she wanted to shout it to the world, she high-tailed it to the mall and found me a pair to stuff in my stocking for the next morning.
I opened them Christmas morning with much delight only to discover that I am extremely allergic to white gold. With puffy red earlobes, I returned them to the jewelry store and I can't even tell you what I got to replace the earrings I just knew would become a family heirloom.
Fickle, Flaky, Flighty...do any of these words ring a bell?
My Tall-Cool-Drink-of-Water husband, Michael-bless his heart-has learned to wait five minutes when I give him hints. Or to understand when I return that coat/pair of boots/necklace that I had to have.
I think he is catching on since I haven't owned a winter coat since he has known me because they are always too tight across my linebacker shoulders and my calves are usually too big for most knee boots and although I love the idea of jewelry, I never even wear my wedding ring because it makes my finger feel claustrophobic.
Yes, its exhausting being married to me. Imagine how exhausting it is being me.
This year, though, is different. I found THE gift to top all gifts. They are so me, so quintessentially Brandy, and I feel sure they are going to change my life.
I know! Are you jumping up and down, too??!!??
I am known for my love of all things turquoise. Wait. Scratch that...Pale Aqua. I looooovvvve Pale Aqua. There is something so soothing, yet happy about that color. Imagine walking around with Pale Aqua on your feet all day long!
Well, after subtly hinting to Mama and Daddy both with an email four whole days before Christmas, I thought I might just get the Pale Aqua Cowboy Boots that were going to be my signature wardrobe piece.
This morning, my sister Jenny and I packed up all the boys for some Tyler-Christmas-Traffic fun and we went to Cavender's (I am officially a hillbilly) and I went to try the Pale Aqua life-changers on for her.
I even wore my skinny jeans to prove just how versatile they would be since I could wear them under boot-cut jeans and over skinny jeans. I know, I know, I am a fashion genius.
They were gone. They. Weren't. There...I looked everywhere. I looked through all the size tens. I looked in the size nines, just to be sure. I even opened boxes that were marked Black, Cognac and Red. No
So I stood lamenting over the fact that Christmas is officially ruined when Jenny says, "Hi Mama!"
Here comes Mama...that little black-haired angel...to buy the perfect Christmas present. To finally say to the world I really am her favorite. And they were gone. Surely she and Jenny staged this whole thing and Mama had already purchased them and they were safely hidden in the back of her car. Somehow though, by the look on her face when she saw me, I doubted it.
Just to be sure I ask the salesgirl if there were any in the back.
"No, Darlin', we sold the last size ten last night at 9 o'clock" Ugh. Everyone I know was either watching "Elf" at our house or home asleep at 9 o'clock.
Unless Michael had his mom go pick them up for me and when she told me she was exhausted and not going to come watch "Elf" at our house she was lying because really she was in Tyler picking up the boots for him to give to me because he is the best husband in all of Cherokee County...hell, I'll say it...in all the world!
That has to be it! And Christmas morning, I will prance around in my Happy, Vibrant, Pale Aqua Cowboy Boots that will make me just that much sassier...and nicer...and thinner...and Christmas will have been saved!!!!
Unless they pinch my toes. Then I will just have to take them back.